Rich Coach Club

RCC 52: Being Bold, Honest, Clear, and Brave with Kelly Ruta


Have you ever had an experience with a business or salesperson that made you feel tricked, blindsided, or otherwise icky? Like an acquaintance who invites you over for dinner, and then wants you to buy a bunch of Tupperware? I had one of these experiences recently with a shop owner who had over-the-top and, frankly, rude sales tactics. No thanks!

Many women are afraid to sell or market their services because they’re afraid they’ll come off like this. If you’re honest, clear, and direct about what you do, you won’t turn into that pushy salesperson. I promise!

It’s actually more attractive to potential clients to be yourself and be excited about what you’re offering. And my guest today is a total pro at making offers from a place of joy, service, and enthusiasm. Kelly Ruta is a coach with 20+ years of experience as a psychotherapist. She’s a huge advocate for doing things in your business (and your life) even when you feel fear – and she has some incredible tips for building up your own bravery so you can push beyond your limits.

In this episode, I kick things off with my usual pep talk and talk about how to sell your services in an honest, upfront, and clear way. Then I dive into the interview with Kelly, who shares stories about her business journey, why vulnerability and bravery are so core to how she works, and why she’s stepping into a much bigger vision for herself and her business. We also discuss borrowing other people’s bravery and why an imaginary board of directors can help keep you inspired and motivated.

If there’s something you’d love me to talk about on Rich Coach Club, email me at [email protected] with the subject line Rich Coach Club and let me know!

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • Why you don’t have to resort to sleazy sales tactics to make money.
  • How Kelly Ruta transitioned from her work as a social worker and psychotherapist into her career as a life coach.
  • How she structures her business so she can spend more time speaking on stages and writing her book.
  • What Kelly says to people who want to stop feeling afraid and start acting on their dreams.
  • Why it’s important to show yourself some grace and compassion on the days where things just aren’t working in your business.

Listen to the Full Episode:

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Full Episode Transcript:

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Welcome to the Rich Coach Club, the podcast that teaches you how to build your dream coaching practice and how to significantly increase your income. If you’re a coach and you’re determined to start making more money, this show is for you. I’m Master Certified Life Coach Susan Hyatt, and I’m psyched for you to join me on this journey.

Hey, y’all. Listen, have you ever had a business experience that was just totally creepy, like pushy, icky, or sleazy experience? Like for instance, you’ve got a friend, she invites you over to her place for brunch, and you’re like, “Yes, queen. I’ll bring some champagne.” But then there’s a twist. Once you step inside the house you realize she wants to sell you something, like Tupperware, or Pampered Chef, or sex toys, or essential oils, or jewelry, or whatever. Now, she didn’t mention this before, and now you’re like, “I didn’t sign up for this.” It’s not that what she’s selling is bad, that the product is bad necessarily, it’s just that you feel duped and trapped. This is sleazy. I had this type of experience recently, and I’m going to tell you the story I was so creeped out that I decided to write a blog about it and make a whole podcast episode about it, because this is a really important topic for coaches, consultant, and all kinds of entrepreneurs. So let’s discuss how to sell your work in a clear, honest, up-front way and not in a sleazy way. Here we go.

As always, we’re starting with a segment that I call Your Two Minute Pep Talk. Okay, let’s be honest, sometimes I go over two minutes, but this is the part of the show where I share some motivation and encouragement to get your week started off right, and I try to keep it to two minutes or less. I don’t always succeed, but I try. Okay y’all, I have a creepy story to tell you. So Scott and I recently took a sailboat vacation in Newport, Rhode Island, and we were wandering down this really cute street, and we saw a shop; there was a guy out front, and he had a silver tray full of these beautiful bath bombs, and they were shaped like cupcakes. They were really colorful, so cute. You know what bath bombs are, right? They’re those aromatherapy balls that you can dissolve in the bathtub, and this guy had a huge display out front, and he was like putting it in your face when you walked by, and my daughter Cora, she’s obsessed with bath bombs. So I say to Scott like, “Hey, let’s go inside and get some for Cora.” And we step inside the shop, and the shop’s owner comes up to me, and then I immediately realize this is a freaking trap.

The owner launches into this really intense sales pitch trying to sell me anti-wrinkle skin cream. He’s like, “I have something for those lines on your face.” And I’m like, “What? Excuse me?” And I look around the shop and there aren’t any bath bombs anywhere. It’s just all of these display cases of all of this anti-wrinkle serums and creams, which if I wanted to buy something like that, fine, but I was coming in to buy me some bath bombs. So then I realized the bath bombs in the front are just to lure people inside, and once you’re inside, there’s a high-pressure sales process that begins. So I mean, I grabbed Scott by the arm, and I’m like, “Let’s get the fuck out of here.” The whole experience was so creepy. It really felt like when you check into a hotel and the concierge invites you to enjoy some complimentary wine and chocolate and then surprise, once you get inside there you realize they want to sell you a timeshare. It’s the old bait-and-switch.

So why am I telling you this bath bomb story? Well, because it illustrates something important about business marketing and sales, and I talk to so many women who are terrified to do business because they’re scared they’re going to come off as too sleazy or salesy. These are different things. Literally hundreds of women over the years have told me, “I don’t want to sell my products and services because I don’t want to be sleazy.” Well, if you don’t want to be sleazy, it’s actually really simple. You just be totally up-front about what you’re selling. Declare it loud and clear, be direct right away. If you’re totally up-front, then you will never be sleazy. If you’re deceptive and tricky, and lure people in with one thing, but then suddenly you’re offering something else, that’s not okay, that’s sleazy. Or if you pretend like you’re not selling something when actually you are, that’s pretty sleazy too.

If you’ve ever attended one of my free video classes, you might notice that I always emphasize right away at the beginning of the class hey, this class is totally free and we’re going to cover some super valuable material, and I hope, my highest intention is that this free class is really helpful for you, and also I have a program that you might be interested in, so stay tuned for info at the end about that too. I always let people know hey, I’ve got something to sell and I’m excited to tell you about it because it’s awesome. I don’t hide the fact that I’m selling something, I’m pretty proud to declare it. So look, the opposite of sleaze is honesty. So if you’re selling bath bombs, tell the world, “I’m selling bath bombs and they’re fabulous, come get you some.” And if you’re selling face cream, say so. If you’re selling coaching services, tell the world, “I’m a professional coach and I’ve got space for new clients right now. I’d love to help you transform your life.” If you’re clear, and direct, and honest, then you can relax. Rest assured, you’ll not be perceived as sleazy.

Remember this when you’re selling your work. Be a 100% honest and up-front, and later in today’s episode we’re going to be talking with special guest Kelly Ruta about her thoughts on being fearless or brave, and I think it does take some bravery to be honest and up-front, so we’ll dive into that a little later in today’s episode. Pep talk complete.

Now we’re moving into the part of the show where I give shout-outs to you. Shout-outs to listeners, clients, all the wonderful people in my business community, and today I want to give a shout-out to Laura. Laura left me a five-star iTunes review and she says, “Y’all, if you are not regularly listening to Susan, you are missing out. After every episode I’m inspired to take action in life and business. Susan has inspired me to find and use my voice to change my life and world, and being a mom to four girls, I need all the girl power boost I can get. Thank you, Susan, for always showing up for us all.” Laura, that means a lot to me. Give those four girls a hug, and hey, if you’ve got something to say, give me a shout-out on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, wherever you’re present on social media, just tag me @SusanHyatt, or go into Stitcher, or iTunes, or wherever you listen to podcasts and leave us a review. Thank you for the love, I love you right back.

Now it’s time for an interview, and I’m super excited to interview my friend Kelly Ruta. So Kelly and I’ve been friends online it feels like for 5,000 years, and I have always admired how she uses her voice so bravely and so fiercely. Kelly has so much experience. 20 plus years as a psychotherapist. She’s also a life coach, and Kelly has such an interesting view on fearlessness and bravery that I think you’re going to love, and her personal story is riveting. You are going to want to dive in and listen to this one. Get your notebook and pen and be ready to take some notes. Here we go.

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Susan Hyatt:        Welcome to the podcast, Kelly Ruta. Hello.

Kelly Ruta: Hi. I’m so excited to be here. This is the best way to start my day today.

Susan Hyatt:        Well, I’m super excited to have you because we’ve been Facebook friends for a long time, and we’ve had a mutual admiration party going on for a long time, and I knew I had to have you on my show because you are outspoken, and vulnerable, and doing business with integrity, which are all the things that obviously I think important in living a rich life, and so let’s talk a little bit about who you are and what you do. So tell us, Kelly, what you’re most jazzed about right now in your business? What’s popping?

Kelly Ruta: So many things are popping. If I’m being honest, where I am today is not where I thought I was going to be ever, ever by the way.

Susan Hyatt:        I love this. I love this.

Kelly Ruta: I’m a pivot queen. So I was a psychotherapist for 20 years, and ended up working in schools in New Jersey as a mental health and substance abuse counselor for a long time, and then I had a private practice on the side. So for a total of 20 years I worked-

Susan Hyatt:        Wow.

Kelly Ruta: Yeah. I worked really deeply with people’s minds and their conscious mind, their subconscious mind, their emotions, how they made decisions, and showed up in the world, and then I got this, you know how life shows up and kind of taps you on the shoulder and tries to get your attention, and if you don’t pay attention, it’ll come over to your window, it’ll knock on your door, it’ll knock on your window, it’ll rattle your pipes, and eventually if you don’t pay attention it’ll just blow your front door off and be like, “Wake up, let’s go.”

Susan Hyatt:        Yeah, hello.

Kelly Ruta: Yeah, I know. So I had started a practice, I moved from, I grew up right outside New York City and we moved down south about 10 years ago, and I put all this money, and time, and effort into revamping this building, and having this beautiful office, and filling a practice, and one day I found myself sitting at the front desk going, “Uh-oh, I’m getting the tap on the shoulder. Oh, my goodness.” And it was life going, “Come on girl, there’s more. There’s more for you. There’s more for you to do. There’s different for you to do. There’s bigger for you to do.” And at the time I think I was like 40, and I had known it’s going to get ugly until [inaudible].

Susan Hyatt:        Yeah, yeah.

Kelly Ruta: So I did. I hired a business coach and realized very quickly that I needed to be serving more people, in a bigger way, in a more powerful way. Not that what I was doing wasn’t powerful, I’m so humbled and honored that I got to do that for two decades, but it was time for bigger things.

Susan Hyatt:        So let me ask you this. What was bigger, right? Because a lot of people would say, “Wow. 20 years as a therapist, you had your own building.” Obviously super successful at that. So define bigger.

Kelly Ruta: So bigger for me was about speaking the messages that were coming, really I like to say through me, not of me, but more kind of through me, that were my truth and sharing my unique gifts combined with my skills, and my education, and my experience, to a broader audience with more people. In other words, touching a larger number of lives in a way that would allow them to then pay it forward. So that was about less one-on-one. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Again, I don’t want people getting the wrong message. It was beautiful and powerful work, but I’ve been speaking publicly since I was 22, I’m going to be 48 this year, and I knew I was supposed to be on bigger venues, where more ears were hearing what I had to say, and I just, it never occurred to me to coach. When you’re a trained psychotherapist, let me tell you, they bash coaches.

Susan Hyatt:        I know, I know.

Kelly Ruta: Oh girl, it is like the worst thing you could possibly ever become, and my training as a clinical social worker, which is all about grassroots, and eat ramen noodles for the rest of your life as long as you’re helping people. Don’t make any money, that’s horrible. It just was not something that had ever occurred to me, until I realized look, I have put in thousands of hours and god knows how much money to be trained the way I was trained, and here I was capping out and going, people are saying to me you’ve literally helped save my life, and I’m feeling, not feeling like I’m living an abundant life, and I don’t just mean dollars and cents, although be very clear that was part of it. I’m not ashamed to say that was part of it.

Susan Hyatt:        Right, sure.

Kelly Ruta: But it just didn’t feel abundant, and I didn’t feel fulfilled anymore. I knew I wanted to speak a lot more, and I wanted to touch more people. So that’s what bigger meant to me. So I think when people are defining success, we have to be really specific and really personal about it, because that word can mean anything.

Susan Hyatt:        Yeah, it can mean so many things.

Kelly Ruta: Yeah.

Susan Hyatt:        And I think that it’s, this is great example, that bigger doesn’t necessarily mean brick and mortar.

Kelly Ruta: No.

Susan Hyatt:        Or the number of people that you sit knee to knee with. It’s bigger for you meant bigger messaging from a stage.

Kelly Ruta: Yes.

Susan Hyatt:        One to many instead of one-to-one.

Kelly Ruta: Yeah, and I unapologetically wanted a bigger bank account.

Susan Hyatt:        And a bigger bank account, which I think that’s what’s interesting that you bring up, because I’ve had a lot of social workers and therapists as clients, and there’s so much deprogramming that has to go on in terms of helping ease human suffering and facilitate transformation can also, in my opinion, should include an equal energetic exchange.

Kelly Ruta: Agree fully.

Susan Hyatt:        And that money is energy, and therefore.

Kelly Ruta: It absolutely is energy, but when you are, and the word you use, deprogramming, is spot-on, especially with clinical social workers because, I mean, it is drilled in your head that that exchange is shameful. That that’s not what you do this work for. By the time I had gotten out of my 20s and realized I’m owning the fact that I’m gifted at this, I was no longer okay with that, but it did take me until about 40 to say, “Oh, hell no.” I’m like, not only am I not okay with this, I’m done with this. I’m absolutely done with this.

Susan Hyatt:        Yeah.

Kelly Ruta: Yeah. So that was the tipping point.

Susan Hyatt:        Now, let’s talk about how your business is structured now.

Kelly Ruta: So my business is structured, and it’s actually changing a little bit as we speak. I was doing one-on-one and group, and now I have no more one-on-one, it’s completely done. The only way you get access to me one-on-one is through one of my group programs. So I have an eight week course that’s coming out next month actually, so I’m super excited about that, that is all about how you reprogram your fear-based conscious mind stories and how you preprogram your subconscious mind so you take back your power via your mind, which is just meant to be a tool that so many of us use in a way that is disempowering because you don’t learn that in school. Nobody teaches you how to do any of that in school, right?

Susan Hyatt:        That’s right.

Kelly Ruta: And then I have a six-month personal mastery program that is about literally everything in terms of conscious mind, subconscious mind, working with your ego, decision making skills, setting boundaries, using forgiveness and compassion. Really everything in a comprehensive way to take back your personal powers so you show up, and you can really just live into your power and potential, and then what I’m most excited about is I’m speaking on more stages. Like I said, I’ve spoken for like 25 years, but now I’m intentionally really getting on a lot more stages, and applying for a lot more speaking opportunities, and doing lots of things like this, podcast interviews, which I love, love, love. The live forum, and the interviewing, and the talking, and having these really conscious conversations is my favorite things, and I’m writing a book. So that’s kind of where everything is at right now, and that’s my model. It’s very simple. I don’t do complex eight million moving things, I like simple, and elegant, and effective, and I’m just looking to grow from there.

Susan Hyatt:        So let’s talk about this book theme, which is so exciting.

Kelly Ruta: Yeah.

Susan Hyatt:        So tell us about the premise for the book.

Kelly Ruta: So a lot of the questions I’ve gotten in the last 25 years of my career have all been about confidence and bravery, and women often say to me, which I laugh at because I guess when you first meet me, I appear to be confident. I am, I’m a very confident person, but if you know anything about my history, you would never ask me, “Have you always been this way?” I mean, that is laughable. I rode the hot mess express for many, many, many years.

Susan Hyatt:        Wait, wait, wait. Give me an example of Kelly on the hot mess express.

Kelly Ruta: Oh my god. Girlfriend, first of all, I was a therapist for a million years, but I have half the diagnoses in the DSM after my name. So that, and at some point or another I have had many of those diagnoses myself. Just separate from that, and because I don’t ever want to minimize mental health challenges, because really depression, anxiety, the things I dealt with, an eating disorder, seven solid years of an eating disorder. Those are very serious things, right?

Susan Hyatt:        Right.

Kelly Ruta: But I mean, I’ve dated … Can we talk about dating?

Susan Hyatt:        Yes.

Kelly Ruta: Drug addicts, alcoholics, the man I dated before I met my husband is in prison for murder. Does that kind of?

Susan Hyatt:        No, no, ma’am.

Kelly Ruta: Oh yes, ma’am. Oh yeah.

Susan Hyatt:        Who did he kill?

Kelly Ruta: He called her his aunt, and but it’s his parents’ best friend.

Susan Hyatt:        Oh my god. All right, so we’re talking, I love this vulnerability because here’s what I love about it, is that I always tell coaches that I’m training, you need to be on the other side of whatever it is that you’re talking about for sure. We don’t need TMI where you haven’t healed from the thing.

Kelly Ruta: No.

Susan Hyatt:        But sharing with people what you’ve been through, of course people are going to want to work with you because they’re like, “Okay. There’s not anything I could say that Kelly is not prepared for.”

Kelly Ruta: No.

Susan Hyatt:        Right? Kelly has either been through it or she has been a therapist.

Kelly Ruta: Oh yeah. I’ve made some solid bad choices.

Susan Hyatt:        As we all have.

Kelly Ruta: Let’s just put it that way, and you know what? I think really just to tie into the book, the thing that has allowed me to, and in all seriousness, I have a history of significant childhood trauma. So I was molested when I was a toddler, I struggled with depression, anxiety, an eating disorder, anger management, I have PTSD, I mean, there’s lots of stuff there, right?

Susan Hyatt:        Right.

Kelly Ruta: But the key isn’t the label or the thing that has happened to you or to me. They key is resilience. So how do we build resilience? And you don’t build it by waiting to feel brave and confident, you build it by taking action. So the questions I get all a lot are about how are you so okay with taking risk, and being vulnerable, and putting yourself out there and even talking about when you fall on your face. My first launch I lost 10,000. I didn’t make a dollar, I lost $10,000.

Susan Hyatt:        Okay, wait, wait. I’m going to interrupt you right now because I think this is an important story.

Kelly Ruta: Yeah.

Susan Hyatt:        You lost 10k on a launch.

Kelly Ruta: Oh yeah, my first launch, yeah.

Susan Hyatt:        What were you launching and what did you spend your money on?

Kelly Ruta: Okay. So I was launching a six-week online hybrid course group coaching program.

Susan Hyatt:        Okay.

Kelly Ruta: I spent my money on team, which I’d spend my money on anyway, but they had to amp up their hours a bit. I had somebody come on for marketing to help me with marketing because I was coming from being a therapist, I didn’t market. Everything was referral based. I didn’t know how to market. I’m still learning how to market, you know?

Susan Hyatt:        Right.

Kelly Ruta: Materials. So graphics, and PDFs that were designed, and things like that, and then the platform that I was going to put it out on. So kind of the tools, the moving piece, and then a tiny bit of advertising. So when all was said and done, it was $10,000, zero dollars back. Oh yeah, girl. Oh yeah.

Susan Hyatt:        Oh, so painful.

Kelly Ruta: Oh yeah. So I like to tell this story because I don’t use the word failure, I really strongly believe in not using that word. For me, everything in business, and life really, is just about R&D. It’s all about assessing the data of what’s coming back.

Susan Hyatt:        Sure.

Kelly Ruta: And saying, “Okay, what do I need to do? What do I need to tweak? What do I…?” And most importantly, this didn’t work out the way I intended, or planned, and so what am I to learn from this? Instead of going, “Oh my god. I suck. Apparently, I’m not meant to do this.”

Susan Hyatt:        Right. It’s over.

Kelly Ruta: I’m a big fat failure.

Susan Hyatt:        Right, right, right.

Kelly Ruta: It’s over, right, exactly. But I see too many people do that, and that for me is about resilience. That’s about wisdom and resilience, which we really, really need as coaches, as entrepreneurs, as women, as all the things that we are, mothers, and partners, and wives, and all of the things that we are and do.

Kelly Ruta: So the book is called Build Your Brave, and for me it is all about really pushing back at this be fearless paradigm, and I understand the intention behind people encouraging other people, especially women, to live fearlessly, to build businesses fearlessly. I understand the intention, but I think that it’s disempowering and I actually think sometimes it’s a dangerous message, because I hear too many women interpret it as I can’t have fear and move forward.

Susan Hyatt:        Yes.

Kelly Ruta: I have to be without fear, and I think that’s utter BS, and you and I were chatting before you hit record, and honestly the truth is, if I could sit down with Arianna Huffington, I would say to her, “I respect you, I adore you, you’re brilliant, and please stop telling people to be fearless. For the love of god, stop it. Stop it, stop it, stop it.”

Susan Hyatt:        I would agree with you, and I have a friend, a coaching friend named Adrianne who, she has T-shirt and a slogan called Do It Afraid, and I think that that’s.

Kelly Ruta: Love it.

Susan Hyatt:        Right? That’s so much more accurate, because everything I do that’s worthwhile, I’m scared shitless. I’m giving a TEDx Talk next week.

Kelly Ruta: Oh, hell yeah.

Susan Hyatt:        And I’m like holy crap, why do I do these things, right?

Kelly Ruta: Yes.

Susan Hyatt:        I have to work through my fear and anxiety around getting on that stage and delivering a talk. If I were waiting to give that TEDx Talk until I felt totally comfortable, I’d never give it.

Kelly Ruta: And that’s the key right there. Is that I think a lot, and I say especially women because all the research fleshes out that as kids, we receive very different cultural messages about risk-taking and fear. So boys on the playground are told, “Go get dirty, so get scraped up, rip your clothes, bleed. If you have scars, they’re battle wounds.”

Susan Hyatt:        Right, right, right.

Kelly Ruta: “It’s awesome.” And if you’re a girl, you’re told, “Don’t rip your dress.” Which for me I’m like, “I don’t want to wear a dress anyway.” But whatever. That’s a whole other story, right? So really the research fleshes out that we are indoctrinated with these messages about risk taking, and fear, and safety, and psychologically speaking, in terms of our development, anywhere in your psyche where you have a belief or a set of habits around this is not safe for me to do, your development in that area will halt. The rest of you will go on, but if you hold the belief that something is inherently unsafe for you to do, it’s going to be very difficult for you to go ahead and do it. You have that whole paradigm built around that belief, and it’s work we have to do as women because we get these messages so early on. It’s not safe for me to be visible. And guess what? Sometimes it’s not, it’s not. Sometimes it’s not safe to be a woman in this world, but if you believe you can’t bounce back from that, that you will not come back from that, all we’re going to do is hide and play small, and that’s not what the world needs right now.

Kelly Ruta: I really believe the world; I really believe the universe is asking women to rise up collectively and contribute our innate gifts and genius to the world as part of healing what’s going on right now. We can’t do that in the shadows. We just can’t.

Susan Hyatt:        So what do you say, what advice do you have for coaches and entrepreneurs listening to this podcast who, and I know you guys are out there because you email me and you DM me, that are like, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can move forward with my company.” Or, “I can finally announce I’m in business for myself.” Or, “I can finally start asking people for business once I become more confident.” What do you say that they can do to get over themselves and embrace the fact that they’re going to have fear, and to do it anyway?

Kelly Ruta: Okay, couple of things. Number one, understand that resistance, psychologically speaking, when you go to put yourself outside of any comfort zone, your ego is going to automatically throw up resistance, discomfort, the fear, the anxiety, the playing out all the catastrophic ways this could end for you in your mind. That’s just your ego and you need to understand you are not your ego. The voice that you hear that’s constantly undercutting you or creating self-doubt, or fear, anxiety, that’s not the voice of your inner being, that’s the voice of your ego, and so you’ve got to start to understand which voice you are listening to, and the ego acts a lot, like a toddler. So if any of you who are listening have experience with a toddler, what happens when you tell them no? Well, my kids used to throw themselves on the floor, slam their head on the kitchen tile, because they wanted what they wanted and it’s no shock that I have kids with strong personalities, right? I can clearly remember my oldest one slamming his head on the tile, and I was like, “I’m going to go in the living room and when you’re ready to talk about this and you’re ready to stop this nonsense, you come in and come talk to me.” I walked away and I’m like, “Oh, there’s going to be gray matter in my kitchen.”

Susan Hyatt:        Oh my god, I know, I know.

Kelly Ruta: Any moment now, right? But 90 seconds later, he stopped and he walked in and he said, “I ready mommy.” And that’s what the ego does. So if you, and now is he not going to throw a tantrum again next time? No, but eventually he’s going to learn to quiet down and to navigate that relationship differently. The ego is the same way. You got to treat it like a toddler. So you have to be able to say, “I understand you’re trying to protect me.” That’s all the ego is trying to do, right? Is it wants you to stay right where you are in your little comfy little bubble, that’s sucking the life out of you, by the way, and just hang out there for a while because it says, “Oh, you’re safe here.” But your inner being, whatever you want to call it, your inner being, your soul, your spirit, god, the universe, I don’t care what you call it, is always calling you forward. That’s why those two things are going to be in constant conflict with each other and you have to pick one. You either pick listening to the ego, or you pick listening to your inner being. There is no middle ground on this.

Kelly Ruta: So that’s the first thing. Is really start to discern, that’s one of my favorite words and practices is discernment, what voice is speaking to you and who gets your attention. If you give the toddler who is tantruming attention, they turn into a monster.

Susan Hyatt:        Yeah.

Kelly Ruta: The ego does the same thing. So that’s number one.

Kelly Ruta: Number two is recognize that you most likely have been going about things backwards, and that’s okay because almost everybody does. Most of us sit here and think I’m going to wait until I feel brave and feel confident to go to. When the reality is if you go do, you will feel brave and you will feel confident. Every time you do something that you are afraid to do, or resistant to do even though you know you’re being called to do it, write that book, start the business, raise your prices, get on the damn TEDx stage, whatever the thing is, have your photos finally done, no matter what weight you’re at, for the love of god, just do it, those things. You put deposits in your bravery bank account. You put deposits in your confidence bank account, so you’ve got to flip that understanding and the way you do things completely around.

Kelly Ruta: The third thing is, and good god, women do not do this enough because we’re so, we’re trying to be so strong, and independent, and tough all the time, you’ve got to learn how to practice a little bit of grace and compassion. I’m not talking pity, I don’t do pity parties. I can’t stand them, don’t invite me to them, I’m not coming, it’s not happening. As a coach or as any other thing in my life, don’t invite me to that. That’s not a party I’m coming to. Grace and compassion is just about being able to say to yourself, yeah, some stuff has happened in my life that makes some other things a little more challenging, or maybe it’s taking me a little longer than I have hoped and dreamed, or maybe there’s more obstacles, and I struggled a little more, or it’s okay that I don’t know this particular thing yet. I’m not a master coach yet, or I’m not a master marketer yet, or I’m not a skilled speaker yet, whatever it is. A little grace and compassion goes a very, very long way. Instead, I see too many women going, “Put on your big girl panties and let’s go.” Which is fine. I need to put on my big girl panties all the time, but we also have to balance it with it’s okay if today didn’t go that well.

Susan Hyatt:        Right.

Kelly Ruta: A little grace goes a long, long way, and it allows you to refill your tank in a way that will also allow you to choose to be brave. Bravery and courage is an action more than it is a feeling, just like love. We hear this all the time, right? Love, it’s a do, it’s an action more than it is a feeling, and if you’ve been married for more than 30 seconds, you know that’s true, right? Holy cow.

Susan Hyatt:        No kidding.

Kelly Ruta: I look at it the same way. So if your listeners start looking at it that way, they will benefit so greatly, rather than waiting to feel brave and confident.

Susan Hyatt:        So let me ask you this. When in your business, in your personal history, when did it click for you that you had to stop waiting yourself to feel brave, to do something?

Kelly Ruta: It clicked fortunately for me very early on, but in a really painful way. So like I mentioned earlier, I had an eating disorder from the age of 14 to the age of 22. Really towards the end of it when I got very ill and very dysfunctional, and it was completely threatening a lot of things in my life that were good. My friendships, my relationships, my education, a lot of things. It was really threatening to derail that and also was putting my life in jeopardy. What I heard at some point inside of me was you were not put here to be a statistic, and when I heard that, and at the time I was like 21, I don’t know where that came from. I was like, “What is that all about right there?” Because I if you’ve ever had an eating disorder, you know the voice of that is extremely loud, and it’s obnoxious, and it’s very bossy. So you don’t hear a lot of other things, but I heard that very, very clearly, and for me that was a turning point, and I knew in my gut, I could feel that that was truth for me.

Kelly Ruta: If I was not meant to be a statistic, then that meant I had to be brave enough to say no to this eating disorder, and say no to everything that led up, because that was just an outcome. It was a normal outgrowth of some abnormal experiences, but I had to start saying no to all of those things that I believed about that experience, those experiences, that I was unworthy, that I was not good enough, that I was not deserving of really anything at that point, that I didn’t have value and that there was no purpose for me. Those were the things I really believed at 21, and I had to say, that was, it was just pivotal for me to say, “I have to say no to all of that.” And I did not feel one ounce of courage or bravery at that moment when I decided that. I felt weak, I felt vulnerable, I felt extremely threatened and frightened.

Kelly Ruta: So what I had to do was ride the wave of what other people’s bravery. So my therapist, the people around me, my chosen family which were my friends, other women who I saw doing brave things. My all-time favorite professor who was in the very first graduating class of women at Princeton, I mean, women I just really was looking up to. I had to ride their bravery for a while and look at them as that’s what’s possible for me if I just keep moving forward. So it was all about just one foot in front of the next until I had racked up enough choices that were brave that I finally felt brave. I didn’t realize I was being brave. I didn’t understand that at all, at all.

Susan Hyatt:        I love what you’re saying about riding the wave of other people’s bravery because I think in business, that’s actually such a great thing that all of you listening can really think about. If you’re not feeling brave or confident in your business ability, or in your marketing or sales ability, one of the things I love to do is have a virtual board of directors or an actual board of directors, right? So riding the wave of Serena Williams, and Michelle Obama, and my daughter, and whoever else I’ve cooked up, and what would they do? Even on a plane ride the other day when this guy, it’s a long story, but this guy was being obnoxious.

Kelly Ruta: Oh, I think you put a post up about this, I think I’ve read about this.

Susan Hyatt:        Oh my god.

Kelly Ruta: Yes, yes, yes.

Susan Hyatt:        This guy was trying to steal my overhead compartment space, and-

Kelly Ruta: I heard that and I thought to myself, “Oh, he certainly does not know who he’s dealing with.”

Susan Hyatt:        Which is like, but in a split second, I’m like, “What could Cora Hyatt do?” And I’m like, “Sir.” And I instantly sort of popped into my power based on summoning the bravery of someone else.

Kelly Ruta: Yes.

Susan Hyatt:        So I think that that’s riding, I love that.

Kelly Ruta: If you could see the wall in front of me right now. I have my entire board of directors framed on the wall that I look at every day when I’m at my desk doing work. So Michelle Obama, and Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and Maya Angelou, and Oprah, and Malala Yousafzai. I mean, they’re all, and Dr. Christine Blasey Ford is right in front of me, and they each remind me to be different things, bold, and brave, and honest, and connected to other women, and a trailblazer. So every day I’m looking at that because every day I’m doing something that scares the crap out of me.

Susan Hyatt:        Yeah, yeah.

Kelly Ruta: Every day I’m doing something that I’m like, “Well, that could totally not work.” And it might, and there’s a good chance it might not because that’s happened before, but I also know-

Susan Hyatt:        But it’s all right.

Kelly Ruta: But I also know that every success is an opportunity, everything that doesn’t work out is an opportunity, and as long as I just don’t make it about my personal worth, then I can grow from it, and I can serve better because of what I learned from it, and I can get it into more people’s hands because I’ve approached it that way. But I have that board of directors that I’m staring at every day to remind me of that, because as confident as I am, I’m human like everybody else, and there are low points and challenges, and there are days when you’re just like, “You know what? I think today is a toss in the towel day and we’re going to start over tomorrow.”

Susan Hyatt:        That’s right.

Kelly Ruta: I’m done today. I’ve done all I can do, so yeah.

Susan Hyatt:        Well so, let me ask you this. If people want to ride the wave of your bravery, how can they best find you?

Kelly Ruta: The best way to find me is either on Facebook and Instagram if you’re a social media person and that’s where you like to hang out, you can find me in both of those places, or you can hop over to my website and start to kind of experience some of what I do by signing up for the masterclass that’s on the homepage. Now, I’m constantly updating the classes, or the webinars, or the things that I put out there. So there’s different things at different times, but they will always include these kinds of themes. So that’s a great way for you to dive in and just get sort of a little taste of this. Anything I put out for free, people write back and say, “Why are you not charging for this?” And it’s because I really do believe in give away your best stuff. Then when people say, “I want more of that.” They will come and there will be a different value exchange. So I promise you, anything you sign up for, you will walk away not just knowing more, I think that’s important, but you’ll be able to take action in a different way, and that’s what changes life. So those are the two places I invite you to come, ride the wave of bravery and hang out a little bit.

Susan Hyatt:        I love it. Thank you so much for sharing so much of your personal story with us today. You guys go check out Kelly, she is amazing.

Kelly Ruta: Thank you so much for having me. This was such an awesome way to start my day.

Susan Hyatt:        Okay, wasn’t that an amazing interview with Kelly? Now, we’ve put in the show notes all the places where you can learn more about Kelly, so definitely check her out. Now I have a question for you. I’m curious to know is there a topic you would love for me to cover on a future episode of Rich Coach Club? Do you have a question, an issue, a situation, something you would love to learn? If you have a request for a future episode of the Rich Coach Club, here’s what I want you to do. Send an email to [email protected] and put Rich Coach Club in your subject line. Tell my team your request or your question, and I might be able to address your question on a future episode. So again, send an email to [email protected] and put Rich Coach Club in the subject line. Send in your questions and hot topics. Thank you for helping me to create the best possible show for you.

Susan Hyatt:        Thank you for listening to today’s episode. Your action step for this week is simply to be honest about what you’re selling, in conversations, on the phone, in your emails, on social media, don’t be coy and deceptive, be clear, be direct, be up-front about the fact that you’re selling something and that you’re excited to sell it. Honesty is hot.

Susan Hyatt:        Okay, one, one, one, one more last thing. If you want to be around like-minded women who are unapologetic about being in business and taking it to the next level, look in the show notes for a link to join me in San Diego, October 4th through the 6th for Finish Strong. This is literally the event of the year for coaches and entrepreneurs. You’re going to want to be there. The price point is a low and the value is hot and high, y’all. All right, adios.

Susan Hyatt:        All right, thank you so much for listening to Susan Hyatt’s Rich Coach Club. If you enjoyed today’s show, please head over to shyatt.com/rich, where you’ll find a free worksheet with audio called three things you can do right now to get more clients. You can download the worksheet and the audio, print it out, there’s a fun checklist for you to check off. Just three things to do, check, check, checkity check. This worksheet makes finding clients feel so much simpler and not so scary. So head to shyatt.com/rich to get that worksheet. Over there you’re also going to find a free Facebook group you can join especially for coaches. Bring your coaching practice and your income to the next level at shyatt.com. That’s S-H-Y-A-T-T.com. See you next week.

Susan Hyatt

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