November 14, 2021
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Kindness is Badass

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What’s your definition of a “badass?”

Is it someone tough and uncompromising – in an intimidating way?

Or someone tough, resilient, and confident – who is KIND?

In today’s episode, I talk about a time someone told me I wasn’t a badass, why being kind means you’re a real badass, how to speak up with kindness, and how to create your “no-shame” squad.

I recently hosted a town hall event live from New York City called ‘The State of the Life Coaching Industry.’ We discussed so many important topics regarding our industry and the changes that are desperately needed.

There’s a misconception in the coaching world that “badass” equals punching down on other women coaches, publicly, with the intention of drawing business away from them and over to you. I think you’ll find in this episode, and in our townhall presentation, that there is truly another way.

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • ‘Shame Profits,’ how to recognize it, and how to avoid it.
  • How to speak out without shaming an individual.
  • Surrounding yourself with a supportive, no-shame squad.
  • How to be a role model for kindness.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

Catch the replay of The State of the Life Coaching Industry Town Hall

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Want to get paid to change lives? Get certified at The University for Life Coach Training.

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Full Episode Transcript:

Susan Hyatt:
Welcome to the Rich Coach Club. The podcast that teaches you how to build your dream coaching practice and how to significantly increase your income. If you are a coach. And if you're determined to start making more money, this show is for you. I'm master certified life coach Susan Hyatt and I am psyched for you to join me on this journey.
Oh hey, coaches. So someone told me that I wasn't a badass. This was another woman. No, seriously. That's what she said about me. Did I want to throw the plump ass tomatoes from my garden at her? Yes, but of course I didn't. Instead, I centered my and realize that I'm glad this happened. I'm no stranger to women talking smack about me and my work as a life coach. I get all sorts of insults hurled my way. Women commenting on my Facebook ads telling me to put on some Spanx. Women whining about the prices of programs and retreats. Women telling me I need to go get Botox. Others saying, I need to stop the Botox. Just a whole mess of internalized misogyny.
And listen, everyone's entitled to their opinions. They don't have to like me or get what I'm about. As Dita Von Teese says, "You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches." What I found interesting about this particular insult about not being a real badass is that this woman's definition of badassery was so far off the mark it was astounding. Because you know what's badass to me? Kindness. And I don't mean shrinking down or lacing every reword with 20 coats of sugar.
In today's episode, I'm diving all into why being kind means you're a true badass. How to speak out with kindness and how to find other badass kind and uplifting friends. So let's do this.
There's a misconception in the coaching world that badass equals punching down on other female coaches publicly with the intention of drawing business away from them and over to you. I call this shame profits and I believe it's the opposite of badass and a really shitty way to do business. Sorry not sorry, y'all. The woman who told me I wasn't a badass, she pointed to another woman who she felt exemplified badassery.
"Listen, she is a badass, but you are too nice to be badass" she said. And it turns out the other woman she was hyping up was a shame profit MVP making money being a mean girl. I know you've seen this play out in our industry. Coaches tearing down other coaches, gossiping in corners, shunning people at events. I get plenty of comments on my branding from other coaches saying things like, "Too sexy, cover up. You're in your 40s for God's sake. You're a terrible role model."
If we want our industry to change for the better, we've got to stop snarking, gossiping and profiting from takedowns. There's room for all of us. Now, does this mean we speak up when things aren't right? Of course not. I'm all about standing up for what you believe in and making a scene, but you don't need to tear down other women and other coaches to accomplish that. You can do it through kindness because kindness is badass. You can be kind and brave. You can be kind and outspoken. Kind and innovative. Kindness is standing in your power calmly and firmly speaking clearly and directly. Kindness is not punching down on people, hurling insults, and attempting to destroy someone's livelihood.
Now let me be clear. There are obviously times when kindness is just not going to cut it. For example, I would never suggest tone policing a woman of color for speaking out on racial injustice. Hell fucking no. Here I'm talking about a specific issue. Women using mean girl tactics to tear down other women for their own professional gain. So let's say you witness another coach do something that you don't agree with believing this coach is coming off kind of scammy. You could center yourself, reach out directly and let the coach know, "Hey, that was inappropriate. Here's why and here's a resource to learn more." That is kind and effective.
You aren't sugar coating the situation, you're being direct and offering helpful resources. The unkind way to approach this, not reaching out and instead posting a scathing public takedown piece calling all coaches scam artists. This isn't kind, but more importantly, it's not helpful or effective. It's shaming an individual and then making their mistake and behavior responsible for an entire industry. It's attempting to cancel coaches as a whole, a woman-dominated profession that deeply helps many women clients. It's internalized misogyny at its finest.
And I would be remiss if I didn't address the other side of the issue, which is you surround yourself with. So if your squad is currently made up of people who spend their time gossiping in text threads or spending entire mastermind retreats plotting the takedown of another woman, y'all, you got to get a new squad. I know that finding a squad isn't exactly easy. So here's some tips for finding women who uplift and inspire.
Number one, look close to home. Many coaches do business online so they build their team of people online, people from all over the world. There's nothing wrong with this and I certainly have an amazing online community, but there are incredible connections to be made right in your own backyard. I don't know what I would do without my best friend Francis who lives minutes from my home, a half mile in fact. She's the best squad member a girl could ever have.
Number two, look for women with common non-business interest. The beautiful thing about a squad is that you don't need to center the entire friendship around business. Business is just one piece of the pie. So indulge in your hobbies and connect with women there. Maybe you meet someone at an improv class, yoga class, boxing or book club. Even though you have different professions, you can all come together in the same squad and support each other through careers, relationships, and other sections of life.
Number three, look for people who have achieved something you want in a way that's inspiring. When a friend of mine wanted to become a screenwriter, she sought out other successful writers with inspiring journeys. The writers who were overnight successes, nepotism hires, white men who only hire other white men or those who got their big break because they were fun to have a beer with just weren't the people she vibed with, and who she wanted in her squad.
So she looked for writers who had worked their way up who didn't have connections and who came writing later in life. And today she has just an incredible squad of writers who cheer each other through all the ups and downs. So listen up, y'all. There's nothing more awesome than running your coaching practice with boldness and kindness and surrounding yourself with a supportive squad. In my book that is what's badass.
It's time for community wins. And this is the part of the show where I share wins and victories, beautiful accomplishments from my clients and from members of the Go Time Facebook group. And so today I feel like I brag on my mastermind people often, but I have to. Today I want to give a special shout out to Dr. Ana Verzone. So in our last Hot Seat Coaching Session with the mastermind, she gleefully reported that she had earned over $90,000 in the past six months while working less and not running any Facebook ads to do it.
And I have to say, I'm not just proud of the amount of money that she's generated, but in the way that she's done it. Because just a year ago, she will tell you that she wasn't quite so sure she believed me that self-care should be a business plan. And that you could operate your business from a place of pleasure instead of a place of hustle. She was like, "Is that just true for blonde-haired, blue-eyed white ladies like you? I don't know." And so over the course of the year, it has been amazing to watch her create programs for her community and leverage her intellectual property and do it in a way where she's still like, y'all on her Facebook yesterday, she was like, "Just had a great coaching session after a dive."
I'm like, "She's coming in off a boat." I love it. So congratulations to you, Ana. I'm so proud of you. And hey, all of y'all listening. If you want to create a squad of mastermind, peeps, join mine. Okay? We have amazing people in these groups and we have two different masterminds. One's called On the 6 and one's called the Mastermind. And if you want to click links in the show notes, you can chat with Patty on my team and see if either one is a good fit.
Okay, I have a different kind of listener review today. It's actually a viewer review. So I don't know how many of y'all notice that I did a big livestream from New York City called The State of the Coaching Industry, a town hall. And I had some faculty members for the University for Life coach training and some students from the university join me in New York to have a town hall discussion about a number of the critiques of the coaching industry. Like is it a pyramid mid scheme? Are coaches performing pretend therapy? Just all the things that coaches cringe about.
And that I feel since 2020, everybody was dancing around. We needed to have an honest, open conversation about and we had several hundred people join us for that livestream and watch from home. And you two can watch it. We'll put the link in the show notes where you can opt in and get the recording, the replay, but someone in my world watched it. And one of the things I'm really proud of with the university is we have a diverse, educated, experienced faculty. And a black woman who watched the replay sent me an Instagram message.
And she said, "It was really beautiful when I looked up and saw that incredibly diverse panel talking about coaching, I almost cried. And see Rene Washington and Chrissy Ball's realness was so refreshing because there have been times when I really questioned if I belonged or could be successful in this industry that I love so much. And it was refreshing to hear two seasoned coaches who I respect so much say that you can be black and be real, and successful as a life coach. The work that you're doing is amazing and it's changing the world." And so I just wanted to share that if you missed the town hall, get in on that replay because those kinds of testimonials and listeners/viewer reviews are what makes my heart burst open.
One more thing before you go. You know what else is badass? Being a role model for kindness. This is powerful for your clients, your employees, your children, and society as a whole. This week I want you to perform at least one act of kindness. Write a thank you note, give an extra tip to your barista, give your child's teacher a compliment, buy your employees ice cream, leave a sweet note and a book for someone to find. Choose kindness. Be a badass. It's go time.
Thank you for listening to this episode of the Rich Coach Club Podcast. I hope this episode has inspired you. Thanks again for listening and I'll see you next week.

 

Enjoy The Show?

XOXO,
Susan

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