Rich Coach Club

RCC 63: Front Seat Living with Jessica Butts

Are you living in the backseat? Are you living someone else’s story of who you think you should be, or maybe the story you’ve decided to tell the world because you think that’s what everyone else wants to hear?

Today’s episode is all about pushing you forward to go and write your authentic, genuine story of who you truly are. No hesitation, no fear, and absolutely living your best life. My guest on this episode is Jessica Butts or, Miss Front Seat Life. Jessica is a retired psychotherapist and Couples Counselor turned life, love and business coach, author, keynote speaker, and trainer, who teaches women to live life from the front seat through deep self-exploration, and she believes we’re all meant to live the way we are uniquely designed.

She is taking us through what it means to be in the front seat and why operating from this place is so crucial to success in any area of your life. We’re diving into how the Myers-Briggs personality types ties into your front seat and backseat living, how we bullshit ourselves and self-sabotage, and so much more.

I was absolutely riveted by Jessica’s insights on this topic and I know you will be too. If you want to live unapologetically, make a scene, and start crushing entrepreneurship, you’re going to want to tune into our conversation!

Be sure to check out Shyatt.com/cash – our new Money Magazine is available there and packed with features, interviews, and other great info about how you can make tons of money and have a great time while doing it. 

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • How you might not be authentically telling your own story.
  • What front seat living versus backseat living means.
  • How Myers-Briggs plays into how you step into front seat living.
  • Why it’s crucial to understand your own front seat in terms of introversion and extroversion.
  • How your animal instinct to fight or flee is linked to your personality type.
  • Ways in which Jessica has observed people bullshitting themselves about either being in the front seat or backseat.
  • Why striving to be well-rounded is a waste of time.
  • Jessica’s 80/20 rule as it applies to front seat living.

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Full Episode Transcript:

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Welcome to the Rich Coach Club, the podcast that teaches you how to build your dream coaching practice and how to significantly increase your income. If you’re a coach and you’re determined to start making more money, this show is for you. I’m master certified life coach Susan Hyatt, and I’m psyched for you to join me on this journey.

Happy Monday, peeps. Let’s talk about the importance of telling your own story. So when I wrote my book, Bare – and if you must know the subtitle, A Seven-Week Program to Transform Your Body, Get More Energy, Feel Amazing, and Become the Most Bravest, Unstoppable Version of You. Isn’t that good?

It became part autobiography and hello, vulnerability. Inside that book, I shared with you some of my most personal stories of my life and my own transformation. But there’s so many things that can tell your personal story that can be outside of a book or a blog or even a podcast. Telling your story is how you act, speak, dress, and present yourself to the world.

For example, have I gotten a lot of DMs, PMs, texts, and emails about that silver suit. When I put that silver suit on, that power suit, what kind of image do you think that presents to the world? I personally think it presents a confidence wow factor, and a certain tell-it-like-it-is, hell-to-the-yes vibe.

I mean, no one’s going to peg me as a wallflower or a pushover personality in my shiny kickass power suit. Nobody. But what about the way that I speak? What does that say about me? Now, my hate mail might say that I’m uneducated, rude. I love to use humor. I love to make up my own words. I love slang.

And I throw in some F-bombs for good measure to get my point across because hello, a well-placed F-bomb is an art. And I believe this says to the world and says to people, hey, I’m not afraid to speak up for myself, I’m not afraid to share how I feel about the world. I’m all about authenticity.

So when you’re out there living your dream, making your way in the world, what does your story look like? Are you hiding behind baggy clothes like I used to? All in black, keeping your head down. Are you censoring yourself by speaking how you think you should speak? Not how you would speak, if only you had the resolve to speak up. Do you back down rather than step up?

Sure, it could be a confidence thing, or it could be that you’re not telling your own story. You’re living someone else’s story. The story that you were told as a child that you should live. Be a good girl. The story that media has convinced you the right way to be. Or the story that you’ve decided to tell because you think that’s what everyone else wants to hear. But what if you closed the book on that old story today and what if you start a fresh new chapter in your life?

Close your eyes for a moment. Now, if you’re driving your car or you’re on a treadmill, don’t do that. But if you can, close your eyes for a moment and think of holding a brand new journal in your hands. What’s the cover look like? Maybe it’s a soft leather and you open it up and inside it’s all clean and crisp. The pages are unwritten.

And then you crack the cover and the pages make that wispy sound of the undiscovered. You spread your hand across the first page. The possibilities. They’re endless. Now, open your eyes. You’re ready to start writing your new story. This time, you’ll be you. All you and nothing but you. You’ll tell your story your way without hesitation, without fear, with your truth and I know it’ll be popping.

Here’s your two-minute pep talk for the week and this is the part of the show where I share some encouragement and inspiration to get your week started off right, and I try to keep things to 120 seconds or less.

So later in today’s episode, we have an amazing interview with my client Jessica Butts, and she’s all about front seat living, and after you hear her interview, you’re going to be all about front seat living too. One of the things she talks about is what it means to be in the front seat or the backseat. And I was just riveted by this conversation and it made me really think about a time in my life when I was not operating in the front seat.

And one of the things that kept me in the backseat, honestly, one of the things that kept me from making a scene and living how I wanted to live was I was surrounded by people that weren’t the best for me. I was surrounded by people who were like lobsters in a pot, if you’ve ever heard me talk about that.

Just dragging me down into the boiling water and I allowed it to happen. And I’ll give it to you straight. When I ditched the number one judgy, negative Nellie friend, my income increased $300,000 in one year and that was just the tip of the iceberg.

Research and science backs me up on this, y’all. Not only is negativity proven to be contagious, but chronic complaining, distrust, and cynicism, it creates everything from headaches, stress, to mood issues. Even something as serious as high blood pressure that can lead to a stroke.

And what about those friends that they don’t let you dream big without playing devil’s advocate? Who has fucking time for that? Or they poke holes in your idea. Listen, last week, I was coaching a beautiful client about restarting her business and she shared that she hadn’t done much of anything to grow her business over the last few years because she was going through a tough divorce. She found herself not taking care of herself or doing the things she loved.

And she’d gone from this enthusiastic and thriving coach to isolated and depleted. And the thing that she said that stopped me in my tracks, she said, “I just wasn’t able to see it because I wasn’t around the right people.” And that comment sent chills down my spine because I remember just how clear I become once I tightened my friendship circle up and intentionally invited positive, supportive, and truly kind people around me.

Post-breakup, my creativity and energy and joy exploded. And any form of hiding that I had been doing that I wasn’t even totally conscious of to keep the peace, all that burned away. So listen, you don’t have the luxury of hanging out with people who aren’t interested in helping you grow and live your best life.

It’s costing you physical, mental, and fiscal health. #factsonfacts, y’all. Get you a squad that believes in you, that reminds you of who you are on your worst day and hypes you up when you need it. And hey, if you don’t have one yet, join mine. You can sit with us because we love watching women achieve all the things.

The best parts of your life may still be unwritten. You are the only author who could ever write it and will all be there to witness it every step of the way.

Now we’re moving into the part of the show where I give shout-outs to you; shout-outs to all y’all fabulous listeners. Thank you so much for taking the time to write into my team or give five-star iTunes reviews. I appreciate y’all. And today I want to give a shout-out to Tracey.

So Tracey says, “Thank you, thank you. I love listening to Susan Hyatt. She speaks the truth in a way that helps me motivate me to take the steps. Being part of the community she has created let me know I have a home with her and amazing women to support me living my best life.”

Holla, Tracey. Thank you so much. I can’t tell you what that means to me because it is one of my missions to create community and inclusion. So hey, if you have something to say about this show, send us an email to [email protected] Leave us a five-star review wherever you listen to podcasts and you might hear your name on a future episode. I love giving shout-outs to folks in my community so holler at me. Thank you for the love and I love you right back.

Okay, okay, it’s time for the interview. And today I’m speaking with Jessica Butts. Jessica is a life coach and therapist who teaches women how to live life from the front seat through deep self-exploration. She believes, and I agree with her, that we’re meant to live the way we are uniquely designed.

She teaches corporate workshops and gives keynote speeches throughout the country. She has written and published two books, Live Your Life from the Front Seat, and she’s currently writing Shit, I Married the Wrong Person. And Don’t Do Stuff You Suck at is also available.

She describes herself as damn sassy and believes in living life unapologetically. Hello. You’re going to hear how much we get along, like two peas in a pod. Hell yes to all that. And without further ado, let’s talk to the amazingly fierce Jessica Butts.

Susan: Welcome to the show, Jessica Butts.

Jessica: My goodness, Ms. Susan. Thank you. I’m so excited to be here. So excited.

Susan: Oh my gosh, I have been counting down like, when do I get to interview her because I cannot wait to release this episode. Because as soon as I saw your beautiful face and that front seat living mantra of yours, I was like, this is my kind of woman.

Jessica: Totally, yes. We are some sassy, strong, independent, curious, empowered women. So yes, you and I share a lot of the same stuff. So this is going to be one hell of an episode, I have no doubt about that.

Susan: If we do say so ourselves.

Jessica: Yes. For sure.

Susan: So when I think of front seat living, I was actually thinking about – I had a memory of when a friend of mine asked me if I wanted to go to a concert with her. And I was like, absolutely. And the artist that she wanted to take me to see is an all-time favorite. And I was just so excited to have the invitation and have a girl’s night out.

And unfortunately, when we got to the arena, the tickets were literally the back row. Like, our heads at the concrete of the arena. And I remember thinking – this was years and years and years ago. And I remember thinking like, if I can’t be upfront, I don’t want to go at all. I need to be able to be a part of whatever is happening.

And I really think that that’s, for me in terms of my life, if I’m doing it, I’m doing it. And I wonder, when you talk to people about what it means to have a front seat in your life, how do you explain it?

Jessica: Yeah, there’s so much to this. So I was a psychotherapist for a number of years. I’m a total Myers-Briggs nerd. And one of the things that I had a really hard time explaining to – particularly couples. When I was a therapist, I worked with couples. And it was always so hard to describe it in a way that people understood Myers-Briggs.

So anyway, I created this thing, front seat life. And the way that I really talk about it is your front seat is your God-given innate talents. And I’d actually be really interested if you believed that about having innate talents. So I believe there are things that we can learn. There are learned behaviors. You go through life, you learn different things, and then there are just God-given, you’re born into this world, you came out of your mama with the personality type, and that is the front seat versus the backseat.

And then the backseat is straight out of Myers-Briggs, is straight out of like, introversion, extroversion, sensing intuition, thinking, feeling, judging, and perceiving. And your front seat are these two versions of yourself. One is introverted, one is extroverted, and it’s just straight up when you show up 80% of the time from this front seat place, miracles happen in your life.

If we’re talking about entrepreneurship, or even your health for that matter, I mean, I love obviously your book, Bare, and all of that, and when we show up from a place of understanding innately who we are, how we go about the world, and we do it in a way that is in alignment with our personality type, again, how we’re born into this world, things just flow.

I’m going to even go off rails here for a second. So I have this really strong opinion about food journaling and exercise and those kinds of things because there’s two different types of people in this world. There are smart goals kind of people, S’s, that are very intentional and very detailed in the way that they go about things. They are the food journal people, they might even weigh their food. They’re really good at the systems and structures, really, that go along with that.

And then there’s intuitives. And intuitives like to do things however they want to do them. They need creative ways to think outside the box and different ways to exercise, and they’re the ones who like to do 15 different exercises, just to move their body. And there’s just different people in this world.

And so, so often, everybody tries to do things like everyone else. Whether that’s dieting and exercise, running your business, speaking, writing books, being on podcasts, whatever it is. You’ve got to show up and do it in your own authentic, genuine way, and I swear to you, my system and the Myers-Briggs show you the exact way to do that versus your backseat.

And before the show started, we were talking a little bit about what I’m having a little bit of a backseat week and what that looks like and how that shows up. But it’s when we try to do things that are not in alignment with who we are organically and innately, all that backseat energy starts to come up and it’s not good.

Susan: So backseat is when you’re working against your innate natural talent?

Jessica: So all of us again, have two people in our front seat. A driver and a co-pilot. One is extroverted and one is introverted. Susan, are you an ENFJ? We’ve talked about this before.

Susan: I am an ENFJ. However, however, so when I first tested Myers-Briggs years ago, let’s say when I was 18, I was an ENFJ. When I was in my 20s, I was an ENFJ. And then the older that I got, the more my – I swung like super far E over to the I side. And I saw on your podcast, you’re like, this ambivert nonsense is bologna-falony. And I have been calling myself an ambivert.

So I was like, ooh, I can’t wait to hear what she says about this. Because – so as I’ve aged, I’ve tested differently. I have just a surface level understanding of Myers-Briggs so I’m happy that you’re here to educate me and the people.

I have a good friend who’s a Myers-Briggs facilitator and she is constantly on my ass. She was like, you are not an I. And I’m like, listen, I think I’m either a highly sensitive extrovert, or I’m a gregarious introvert.

Jessica: Okay. Let’s break this shit down. Let’s just get into this because this is one of my biggest – it’s not even a pet peeve. I just want people to get it. So here’s the deal. So the title of that podcast episode is Ambiverts are Bullshit. Like, let’s just call it what it is. I just said it. I just called it out because I don’t believe in that.

What I do believe in, and you and I are the same. We’re both ENFJs, so we’ll just use you as an example. And so in your front seat, Susan, you are extroverted feeling, and introverted intuitive, which means that your very, very best self, the driver of who you are, your front seat is relationship-building, out in the world, sharing, giving, giving of yourself on social media, loving up your clients.

I mean, I’m one of your clients so I get it. You are a lover, lover, lover. You share all the stuff. You are giving. This is the name of your type is a giver. However, equally important – this is what most people don’t understand. Equally important in your front seat, and your front seat makes up – should be where you’re spending 80% of your time.

But these two people are equal. The other part of you is an introverted intuitive, which means you’re in your head processing ideas all the time. You’re probably not a huge collaborator. You’re likely somebody who likes to spend time – I know you like to spend time at the gym. But processing, thinking, journaling, being, running and thinking, and what are the ideas and where am I going to take my business, and what are Scott and I going to do next, and where am I going to do this.

And all of those ideas are in your head. And that is the part where I think people think that they’re ambiverts because those two people in the front seat really make up your best self. And they’re equal. So as much as you give to other people, you also need that replenishing time in the introvertedness, for you in particular, it’s in your creative juices. Does that sound accurate?

Susan: 100%. 100%. I have to have white space, down time. I’m talking my face off most of the time and if I don’t have enough time to be that creative person, I go sideways.

Jessica: This is such an interesting thing that just happened to me this week. So I was at an event last week. My assistant went with me. We came back, we were doing all of this collaboration. We’ve gotten into this place – she’s an INFJ and I’m an ENFJ, just like you are.

So her front seat – this is so interesting. Her front seat is the opposite of yours and mine in terms of introversion and extroversion. She’s an introverted feeler, which means all of her feelings, her deep well of emotions is actually somewhat hid from the world. Like our ideas are hid from the world.

But her co-pilot is an extroverted intuitive, which means she loves to collaborate. She loves to come to my house and geek out and watch videos and plan and talk. And I realized the other day, I was like, why am I so – what’s wrong with me? I’m a little bitter. I’m a little irritated. I’m a little prickly, is what I call it.

And I finally had this click that I was like, oh shit, it’s because I prefer – doesn’t mean I don’t like to do it, but my preference is to do that stuff in my own head. I like to do it by myself and then collaborate. And so it’s just so important for all of us to understand our front seat in terms of the introversion and extroversion so that we can just start setting some boundaries.

This is my whole thing is you got to put your own oxygen mask on first. Before you start a business, before you get married, before you go into relationships, just stepping in, understanding who the hell you are, so that you can lean in and say here’s all my stuff, how are we going to navigate this?

So whether that be with you, a business partner, your life partner, yourself, anybody. And what I see is just most people don’t start their businesses and/or get into relationships by actually knowing these kinds of things. And then they spend years and years and years, possibly decades, beating themselves up as like, I’m an ambivert, or why do I need so much time by myself? Or what’s wrong with me? Or why do I get exhausted?

And really, it’s in black and white. I mean, it’s literally – I mean, I wrote a book on it. It’s literally just written out to show you where you should be spending your time and energy.

Susan: It’s so interesting. So you’re trying to tell me that I am not an introvert?

Jessica: No, my love. My love, no. And it’s so funny because obviously I stalk you on social media and I watch you and we’re connected, and I’m always like, what’s this girl talking about? What’s this girl talking about? You are such a giver, but then there’s this other – I mean, literally, the name of your type is the giver, which is probably not surprising to you, as it is mine.

We give and give and give and give, and I will even go a step further to say of all the extroverted types, which there’s eight of them, the givers need the most time alone because we’re giving so much. It’s our jam and we love it.

I’m actually really curious – I’m switching the roles on you. I get very martyry. My victim role is I become a martyr. Oh, I’m giving so much, I’m so exhausted, I don’t have any time for myself. Then I’m like, that’s just totally self-created. So I’m curious if you’re a martyr too.

Susan: Oh, 100%. I have a PhD in Martyrdom. That is my total – when I’m like, upper limiting, that’s what I start doing. I start being like, why do I have to do it all? And especially…

Jessica: You and I are so alike.

Susan: And it’s hilarious. I mean, thank god that I’m onto myself that any time I’m doing that, then it’s like, okay, you need self-care because…

Jessica: Totally. Totally. In fact – so I have a podcast too and I just did this episode this morning about this, that we can feel it coming. Everybody can feel. So the backseat, I guess we’ll go there for a second. So your backseat are two people. One is a drunk uncle, which to me means when you do things from this place of drunkness, of your backseat, it’s like a drunk person doing it.

You suck at it. So for you and I, it’s details, it’s minutia, it’s logic, it’s spreadsheets. Anybody who slows our vision, anybody who wants to get in the weeds, this is our kryptonite. And when…

Susan: Oh god. For fuck’s sake. Like, do not come at me with your spreadsheets. Do not.

Jessica: And it’s kryptonite. I mean, and what happens of stopping that creative flow is then – you alluded to what happened to me this week. It was like, I was just in the stuff. I’m watching my friend’s dog, she happens to have diarrhea, it’s not a good situation. Waking me up last night, I’m not getting any sleep, I’m giving a ton, I don’t have any self-care time. It has just been a shit show of a week.

Susan: Literally.

Jessica: Literally it’s been a shit show. I mean, I get to go this afternoon to a carpet cleaner. It’s a mess, literally. And so what happens is – even imagining your listeners right now, like, you’re getting anxious. And this is what happens in our reptilian brains. So I’m going to nerd out for a second. This is my therapy hat going on.

We have a part of our brain called the reptilian brain, and when our prefrontal cortex flips up and we get stressed out, overwhelmed, oh my god, spreadsheets, dog shit, all the stuff coming at us, we as human beings, we have a natural reaction. We either fight or we flee.

That is the animal instinct and that is what our reptilian brain is there for is when we are under attack, we fight or flee. Amazingly, this is completely correlated to your personality type, and lo and behold, extroverts flee because you probably sat down, run away, hide, I don’t want to do anything, don’t talk to me, fuck off, all the things.

Susan: Yes.

Jessica: And then introverts, they fight. They come out swinging. They might get pissed, they might get mean, they might get bossy. But it’s like wow, what’s happening? And for you and I, I’m sure you’ve heard this too is people will say things like, oh, you’ve lost your mojo. What is up with you?

You’re just in a funk, you’re whatever. And it’s because we’re not in our front seat. So that’s our job is what am I doing to either over-give, not take care of myself? What in my life am I doing too many things from this drunk uncle place? Which means those are the things that you suck at. I wrote a whole book called Don’t Do Stuff You Suck At.

Because as entrepreneurs, this is what we hear. Everybody’s like, oh, I’ve got to do everything. I don’t have any money. I can’t afford that. I’m like, oh, you can’t afford not to. Because you can’t afford to run your life or your business from a place of a drunk or a baby. And those are the two people that are in your backseat.

A drunk person. Never in the history of the world has a conversation ever gone well between a couple when they’re intoxicated. Never. That’s never a good idea. Let’s sit down and really talk about our sex life right now. This is just never a good plan. Yet, people try to do too many things, or they try to do stuff that they suck at. And then that causes the baby.

And so babies or drunks running your life, running your business, it’s just a recipe for disaster. And you know, you as a coach, you probably see people trying to do this all the time. They’re just trying to be well-rounded, which I actually think being well-rounded is bullshit.

Susan: I think being well-rounded is bullshit too. 100%. Don’t even – like, no. Let’s just maximize what you’re great at. I am so with you. I am so with you and what’s interesting is I just hired a COO and she – so her name is Ana Micka and no one can have her. I have wrapped that up.

But she has been involved in my company now for a couple of years, but as a Facebook ad strategist and sales. And she’s done a million things. She’s very strategic and analytical, and it’s so nice to have somebody who’s doing all the things I’d rather not, in terms of – I just need to be like you said, on the stage, on the mic, out in front of my people, doing what I do best, and leave all that other stuff to somebody like her who rocks at – she’s a genius.

Jessica: And that’s the beautiful thing is god made all of us different. I mean, that’s the beautiful this is she’s clearly an SJ. This is the opposite. So I created archetypes. You’re an NJ, which is the entrepreneur. And she’s the police. So she’s probably really good at the details. She’s good at all the data, all the minutia, she’s going to keep you in check.

You’re off being creative and you’re the visionary, and she’s the implementor. And you guys get to stay in your lanes, you get to stay in your zone of genius, and you get to just do what you’re awesome at. And this is how I just think anybody, like people just in life are more productive, but certainly entrepreneurs. I mean, this is the secret sauce. You’ve just got to figure out what your lane is, what your zone of genius is, what your front seat is and just rock it.

Susan: So let me ask you this. What do you notice are some of the biggest ways people bullshit themselves about what’s front seat and what’s backseat?

Jessica: Oh, that’s an interesting question. I think it’s – so the bullshit would be the excuses, in my opinion. So the bullshit comes in forms of limiting mindset. I can’t afford it, I can’t hire that out, I need to be well-rounded. I’ve actually even had people like, fight with me about this.

So I speak on stage a lot like you do, and I’ve had people just come up to me afterwards and say things like, “I am really committed to being well-rounded and working on my edges.” I’m like, knock yourself out. I mean, hey, I’m not here to argue with you but I just think that’s fucking idiotic, if I’m going to be honest. I mean, why?

We only have so much time and energy in this world. So I think the bullshit comes from excuses, and then let’s reference one of the best books ever written in the world, which is The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks.

Susan: Oh my god, I love it.

Jessica: God, I love that book. And he just straight up talks about what is your limiting belief? And so what are these people afraid of? Are you afraid of success? Are you afraid of failure? So I believe the bullshit comes in terms of a couple things.

Like let’s be nice too. It’s fear. What is your fear? Are you afraid to succeed? Are you afraid to leave people behind? What are you afraid of? Because quite honestly, in my opinion, I’ve been doing this a really long time. I mean, I used to sit with couples one-on-one and now I coach people.

I have seen 100% of the time that when people get a taste of what the front seat life feels like, when they get a taste of stepping into your brilliance, you sleep better, you make more money, you’re totally in the flow versus pushing a boulder up a hill, your body’s going to feel better.

I personally quite honestly think you lose weight because you’re just not so stressed out. You’re not pushing a boulder up a hill. You’re not in this place of anxiety and stress. When people get a taste of that, they’re like oh, oh, oh, I get it. And it’s in that acceptance as well. It doesn’t mean you’re going to be good at everything. It just means you’re accepting it.

So I think the form of the bullshit or the resistance is excuses, fear, and then always – you, I’m sure ask your clients this all the time is what are you afraid of? What are you afraid of?

Susan: And so, when people get a taste of front seat living and things start to go well, do you think that they ever climb in the backseat knowingly to sabotage what’s happening?

Jessica: Of course. Don’t we all? I mean, this is human behavior. I mean, yes. It’s fucked up but we all do. I still do it. I mean, I say that all the time. I’m like, I teach this shit and I still do it. I mean, it’s human behavior. Self-sabotage is just a thing. I mean, it’s just so dumb but it’s a thing.

Susan: It’s so interesting. It’s so interesting how we do it. So what are you upper limiting about right now? Do you know?

Jessica: Oh, for sure. Oh, for sure I know what I’m doing. I mean, I’m actually pretty aware of it and then it’s like this conversation of – let me say this too. You just mentioned something and I’ll go back to the upper limiting thing. But there’s an 80/20 rule. I live by a lot of 80/20 rules. I’m usually like, eat well 80% of the time – I mean, you’re the expert in this. And then I’m like, just eat whatever the frick you want the rest of the time.

But anyway, 80/20 rule is 80% of the time you’re in your front seat. That begs – there’s another 20% somewhere. And here’s the deal with the 20% is I would like everybody, all my clients, everybody I know to basically spend 0% of the time in their drunk uncle phase. Doing 0% of the things you suck at if possible.

You and I likely are down to – we’re probably less than 5% in both of our businesses because we have staff, you just hired a COO. All of that brilliance. However, 20% of the time, this is fascinating. We can choose to be in our backseat, which is down time.

So if you think about 20% of seven days is 1.14 days a week. If you think about 20% of 30 days is six whole days. So here’s the deal; we can either choose to do that from a place of our front seat, meaning I take Fridays off. I spend the weekend with my partner, I work my balls off from Monday through Thursday, but Friday is my day off.

It is my day to rest, it is my day to not make myself completely nuts. Or what usually happens is the universe, god, whatever you believe in pushes you to that backseat. That’s the martyr place, that’s the stressed out place, that’s what was happening to me earlier this week. I’m just prickly and I’m going to bite your head off and I’m going to retreat and I’m going to go away and I don’t want to do anything productive.

So we have a choice to understand this about ourselves and then when are we going to take time to rest. So I’m a huge believer in the 80/20/. 80% of the time go kick some serious ass in your life, and then 20% of the time, allow yourself. Schedule it. Schedule yourself some rest.

Susan: I love it. And this is honestly – so the way my schedule is designed, Friday is what I call fun Fridays. And when I don’t get my fun Fridays…

Jessica: Dude, fun Friday. I’m so stealing that, Susan. I just wrote it down. Oh my god, it’s fun Friday. Okay, keep going. I’m obsessed.

Susan: I’m, just like you’re saying, Monday through Thursday, game on. And Friday, unless I’m traveling to do an event or speaking or something like that, it’s fun Friday. And when I don’t get it, oh lord have mercy.

Jessica: So you can either be pushed into your backseat or you can be thoughtful like you are and take some downtime.

Susan: I love it. So…

Jessica: I’m going to dive right here super quick. Dax Shepard and Esther Perel did one of the best podcasts I’ve ever heard. They start talking about this as a couple and how important it is to take time away from each other in a relationship. Anyway, anybody who’s in a relationship that wants some killer relationship advice on what we’re talking about and say oh, I can’t get away, yes you can. So anyway, side note there.

Susan: I love that. I’m going to go check out that podcast interview because let me tell you something. If you think I’m an extrovert, Scott Hyatt is the poster child. Oh my god. He wants – I think this is part of the reason why I’m like, no, I’m an introvert. Because he just wants to be together and with people 24/7. He doesn’t require any alone time. He really doesn’t.

Jessica: Okay. So this is super fascinating. This is why I love just having conversations like this because this is what happens is that people that are both – couples, like you and Scott, been together forever, are both extroverts. When he is more extroverted than you are, this is what happens is that the other person starts to think, oh god, I’m not that extroverted so I must be introverted.

And that is not the case because there’s a scale of preference of one to 30. It sounds like Scott is likely a 30 out of 30 and you might be a 10 out of 30, which means you’re still an extrovert, and this is where the confusion with ambivert or whatever comes in. So there’s always a scale of preference of how either extroverted or intuitive or feeling or judging or whatever you are.

I will go back to your questions about the limiting beliefs because I want – I don’t know. I think every listener needs to know like, you’re screwed up in your way, I’m screwed up in my way. Everyone has limiting beliefs and I am certainly not opposed to them.

So my limiting belief, currently what I’m working on is that – this is so embarrassing, but I am just not good enough. I’m not good enough to be on your podcast, I’m not good enough to ask other people to be on their podcast. I can do it all by myself, nobody wants to hear from me, I’m not good enough to play with the Susan Hyatts and the Amy Porterfields and whoever. So that’s the limiting belief and somebody super awesome taught me to ask for everything.

Susan: Right? And look who wanted to play. Look who wanted to play with you and is totally delighted and riveted by this conversation.

Jessica: Yeah. So I’m leaning this. And this is why you need coaches. This is why you need people in your life. This is why you need to be pushed. This is why we’re into personal development. It’s because everybody’s got a thing. Everybody’s got a thing.

This is the therapy background in me coming out as you’ve got family of origin trauma, you’ve got daddy issues, I’ve got ex-husband issues. Everybody’s got their thing. No matter how badass you’re showing up in this world, we’ve all got limiting beliefs that come at new stages.

I mean, someone else said the phrase, “New level, new devil,” every time we get to a new level, it’s like, oh, here’s that thing again. Here’s that yucky story that comes in my backpack that keeps me down and keeps me limited. And I fully believe it’s our ego. Our ego is around to keep us safe/complacent. Safe in a bad way. Not safe in a good way.

The ego is in our bodies to keep us complacent. And what Jeff Olson talks about in The Slight Edge is that he says 95% of the people – I’m a little bit nicer than that. I think it’s 10 – will actually push past that barrier. Because every single one of us is going to get knocked down. We’re all going to get pushed into our backseat.

Someone’s going to say no, someone’s going to break up with us, some client’s going to tell us we suck. Something’s going to happen, and it’s our job to hit that upper limit and go, hi, I see you, fuck off, and I’m going on anyway. But most people are like, super don’t know what to do with that and they just get stuck and complacent, and again, they don’t push through it.

Susan: I love what you just said about complacency because I really believe that humans are happiest when they’re being challenged in some way. And contentment, complacency, I mean, that’s fine for a little while but that is like a breeding ground for just disease on all levels. And there’s a difference between being grateful and satisfied but also at the same time really striving for more in a healthy way. Not in a pathological way.

And so I think that that’s really what you’re all about with Front Seat Life and so let me ask you this. What makes you, Miss Front Seat Life, feel rich that doesn’t cost anything?

Jessica: Oh, that’s such a good question. Well, it’s definitely my love languages. So what makes me feel rich is quality time. Just hands down, no matter what. Spending quality – I mean, my partner and I last night just had this – gosh, this makes me tear up thinking about it.

It was just really connected and deep and we were having a difficult conversation actually. We just straight up had to have a difficult conversation of how we’re different. He’s an INFP and I’m an ENFJ and he’s introverted sometimes. I’m like, what the fuck? Can you not communicate with me? Obviously I didn’t say it that way but that’s how it comes out.

Like, can we talk? Use your words, please. And again, you don’t need to be like me. I just need us to understand. So quality time, girl, makes me feel so rich. Sitting on the couch with the fire going, being with my friends. I will also say this does take a little bit of money because I live in Seattle, but being on a beach, sitting with a journal on a beach, walking. I mean, I feel like the richest woman in the world.

I don’t care where I’m staying at the beach. I just want to be at the beach. And then quality time, for sure. Deep, deep connections. That’s totally my front seat, by the way. It’s extroverted feeling, so any time I’m having real – like not superficial, but deep, deep conversations with people that I love, I’m the richest girl ever.

Susan: I love that answer. It so beats my typical answer, which is an overabundance of toilet paper and Nespresso pods, which that does money. But I’m like, if I’m stocked with toilet paper and Nespresso pods, I am so fucking rich.

Jessica: That is a very interesting answer, Susan. That is a very interesting answer. Yeah, I don’t know. That’s funny. Because I run out of toilet paper a lot because I hate going to the grocery store. So I might have to say Amazon delivery as well.

Susan: So I love that what makes you feel rich is quality time because I’ve been having a lot of conversations with people about helping to move people, especially entrepreneurs who work from home, from isolation to community. One of my other clients, her name is Molly and she has a company called Propeller Wags, which is all about creating goosebump moments. I’ll have to introduce you to her. She’s amazing.

But she just wrote a talk on moving people from isolation to community and how can people be in community with you? I know you have some free things that people can partake in.

Jessica: Yeah. I’m all about the community. So first and foremost, I have a podcast. So check out Front Seat Life. Secondly, I’m also Front Seat Life on Instagram. I have a small obsession with Instagram. I just think it’s freaking fun. I love the DMs. I love all the stuff. I love the Insta story, so that’s just a great way to play along with me and have fun.

And then one of my core values as a human being and an entrepreneur is to be of service. And so I have a free personality assessment tool on my website that will show you exactly your front seat, exactly your backseat. I am a truth-teller, as you can tell. So I will tell you what you suck at, so don’t be offended.

But it’s over at jessicabutts.com. It’s just a couple sections down and it’s a free personality assessment. Again, jessicabutts.com, yes that is my real name. I love all of those ways to stay in connection. So go listen to the podcast as well. Leave me some reviews. Again, I love that – I don’t want to just put it out there and not connect. So I love hearing from people. So that would be the best ways.

Susan: Thank you so much. You are a delight.

Jessica: Thank you darling.

Okay, I know. I know you were blown away by Jessica Butts. Talk about energy. I know I am and I’m so grateful that she took time to speak with us. But before we wrap up today’s episode, I want to pose one last question to you. How can you start living life unapologetically today from your front seat?

Now, you may know that inside my Bare method, I teach a principle that’s all about making a scene in life. Standing up for you who are, speaking your mind, and being authentic. So I’d love for you to find one way today you can make a scene or stand up and advocate for what you believe in without feeling apologetic for who you really are.

Now, sometimes when I teach this method, people get concerned. Does this mean I should tear people down who have different opinions? Does this mean I can act like a total jerk face? No, of course not. Making a scene is about you. Not them. It’s about taking up space in the world.

So for instance, you could ask for that raise you’ve been wanting and deserving. You could say no to baking another batch of cookies for the bake sale because you hate to bake. Hello, my life story. You could dye your hair bright pink just because it makes you smile.

Your choices are unlimited, so make a scene, live life unapologetically. What’s one thing you could do today? Email me and tell me, or tag me on social media.

Thank you for listening to today’s episode. I hope you’re off to write your real life story and you’re ready to help your clients do the same. Living unapologetically, making a scene. They’re all about being the bona fide expert on you. So get your fancy pen ready to write in your journal, or get your pencil ready to scribble in that notebook, or get those hands ready to type your way to success.

However it feels right to you, that’s the way I want you to do it. Today is the first day. The first page of your make a scene life. I can’t wait to read all about it.

Thank you for listening to Susan Hyatt’s Rich Coach Club. If you enjoyed today’s show, please head over to shyatt.com/cash where you’ll find my brand new money magazine. Now listen, we designed this magazine to be entertaining, educational, and help you make serious bank.

So you can download the magazine, there’s a money quiz inside, there’s an interview with one of my favorite clients who went from making no money and being served eviction papers, to making over six figures in a very short amount of time. So the magazine includes that feature, lots of resources to help you do it, lots of resources about creating wealth and investing money.

It’s pretty robust, y’all. So head over to shyatt.com/cash to get that magazine. And you’ll also find a link to join my free Facebook community, especially for coaches called Rich Coach Club. So bring your coaching practice and your income to the next level at shyatt.com. See you next week.

Susan Hyatt

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